


Hurt

by faegal04



Category: Supernatural
Genre: F/M, Heavy Angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-09
Updated: 2018-12-09
Packaged: 2019-09-15 02:22:40
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 483
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16924731
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/faegal04/pseuds/faegal04
Summary: Anonymous said: Hey! I would like to request a Sam x Reader fic based off of the song “Hurt” by Johnny Cash, if you’re up for it. Maybe the reader is pregnant, too. Oh, my; this will definitely be angst-y.





	Hurt

I wasn’t really watching the scenery go past, I was lost in memories of you. I never really believed in happy endings. Not after Jess. My eyes squeezed shut at the memory of her on the ceiling, I gripped my thigh tightly trying to rein in my emotions. I always knew that I would never get the apple pie life. Thoughts of Sarah flashed before my closed eyelids, gasping for air and clawing at her throat for some relief as she died in my arms. My mind wandered to Madison and the way the gun had felt cold in my hand, my tears distorting the image of her crying face as she told me goodbye.

An empire of dirt is all someone could ever get from loving me. Now, as the miles pass, bringing us closer to the bunker, I have to find the courage to let you go, especially now. _‘I’m pregnant, Sam.’_

Those three words were like a shot to my heart. This is no life for children, the two of us had agreed to that. Hunters always go out bloody, but being a Winchester means there are too many enemies to watch out for. What kind of life is that for an innocent? So, I  _have_ to let you go,  _have_  to make you go away to be safe in the end. I  _have_ to let you down, after I swore not too.

I remember every promise I ever made to you and I know I _have_  to make you hurt just to keep you safe. I  _have_  to become the world’s best liar in the next few minutes,  _have_  to try to kill everything we built together.

Over time, I know you’ll become someone else and your feelings will have disappeared; but me-I’ll be right here where I belong, sitting next to Dean as we go from one town to the next saving people, hunting things. Wondering if today is the day we go out, both of us broken shells at the end of it all.

I’m so lost in thought, that I don’t even realize that we’ve stopped. We’re here. Now, I have to hurt myself, just to be sure that I can still feel. I’m going to focus on the pain, the way my heart is breaking at the thought of never holding you again, never hearing you moan my name out in pleasure, never watching you grow round with our child, never growing old with you.

It feels like the world is closing in around me, I can’t really catch my breath, and my chest is beginning to feel so tight while my heart beat starts racing. This is a familiar feeling for me, I know how this ends. Getting out of the car, I use the slamming of the door to roust my broken thoughts, it’s time.

_‘Everyone I know goes away in the end.’_


End file.
